Tunisia 2004

I made the mistake of telling my Mum that I had a couple of weeks off due to my shift pattern (Gawd Bless the Commissioner!) to which she immediately replied, "Great! You find somewhere warm where you can dive and I can sit in the sun, and I'll pay!" ...WOW!... I knew I loved her for a reason! Lastminute.com had a nice looking hotel, the Orient Palace in Sousse, Tunisia, which was £200 each cheaper that Cyprus - that'll do nicely. When we finally arrived after a long days travelling (thanks, UK baggage handlers) we were met by the most enormous chandelier I have ever seen. No word of a lie, it was three storeys tall! I looked at Mum, she looked at me and we both uttered the famous words of Del Boy....."Now, brace yourself, Rodney...."!

The hotel was very nice and the food was....err....interesting. I have yet to find a nation on earth where they eat cauliflower for breakfast but that was one of the choices. Go figure. The evening meals ranged from average to superb - the meat described as "chicken" sometimes bore no resemblance to any chicken I've seen, yet on our last night they bribed a waiter to carve up a joint of pork - he wore gloves, obviously - and it was absolutely sublime! Drinks were plentiful, however as with all Muslim countries, alcohol is expensive. There were an enormous number of Germans but the hotel had more than enough sunbeds for all! We scouted out Port El-Kantaoui, a few km's up the road - if I go back to Tunisia I'll stay there instead. It's very cosmopolitan compared to Sousse, with its beautiful marina and sidewalk cafes.

Mum and I went on an "excursion" described as the City Tour. With us were 4 other Brits, David, Jean, Nick and Leticia. The trip was doomed from the start as the driver spoke no English and not much French, and it became apparent that we'd all been told a different itinerary. But us plucky Brits always love an adventure, so the Magical Mystery Tour began. After nearly an hour in a very smelly Toyota minibus we arrived at Monastir, which hadn't been mentioned to anyone. The saving grace of going there was seeing the stunning mosque. When we explained to the driver, as best we could, that we had expected to go to the Medina in Sousse, he simply said "It's closed". It had looked extremely open when we'd driven past it on the way out, and we told the driver to take us back to Sousse to go shopping. He did. To his brother's cousin's carpet shop in a dingy back street. So began the revolution. Leticia was superb - when we got back to the hotel Kamel the Cadogan rep (aka Lurch) was cornered by a group of hot, sticky unimpressed tourists led by a determined and slightly scary Spaniard. Eventually, after Leticia had given him both barrels at point blank range, he agreed to give us our money back. Good work, Leticia!!

Back to the diving! I found the local dive centre, Club Sdanek, in Port El-Kantaoui, right at the end of the marina (typically). It's a CMAS accredited operation and the staff and guides are very helpful and friendly. I wasn't overly impressed with the dive boat (I hate boats anyway) but I thought "Oh well, all I'm going on it for is to jump off it again!", so thought no more of it. On my last days diving, my guide Hashim and I dived a wreck just off the coast. The water clarity was good and the groupers were numerous and friendly and I was feeling pretty good about life when I exited the water. Then, as I trudged towards the bow, my ankle collapsed underneath me and I went down like a sack of spuds. I grazed my knees (shortie wetsuit - d'oh!) and the blood made Hashim and the crew panic completely. I wasn't worried by the blood, however because I knew I was in serious trouble from my ankle. On return to the dock I took my boot off and discovered I had apparently developed elephantitis in my right ankle. It was HUGE! The staff were great and looked after me impeccably, taking me from hospital to pharmacy and to the "stick shop" which turned out to be a dedicated orthopaedic accessories outlet - strange in a holiday resort, don't you think?.... If I was anywhere else in the world I would suspect their solicitude was due to a paralysing fear of being sued, but in Tunisia it was just because they are kind people.

Suffice to say any further expeditions were immediately curtailed, including the shopping trip we had planned. Shame but it saved Mum a fortune as she is a compulsive shopper. Fortunately I haven't broken anything, but I have torn all the ligaments, which is apparently even worse than a break. Great. Dave has, quite naturally, been taking the mickey out of me since we came home - as has everyone else I know. It'll get better over time but for now I'm just keeping off it till the bruises subside!

I must take this opportunity to thank, wholeheartedly, the following people:

Leticia, Nick, David, Jean, Sam, all the staff at the Orient Palace and all the other Brits who helped my 73 year old mother look after her 34 year old clumsy daughter. Thank you all.